Depression I deal with constantly.

[k12314]

So, I know this is going to sound like angsty, teenage emo bullshit, trust me, I've listened to myself, but these are all legit concerns I have that I REALLY need people's help with, mainly people who have more life experience than I do. If you don't want to see my emotional bullshit, just go ahead and read another topic. You've been warned.

 

So I'm going to be 17 in a few months, and lately I've been reflecting a lot on my life, and my friends. Especially my girlfriend whom I've been dating almost a year now. She goes to a private school, and has a much better education than I do, and is much better at taking in info than I am. She's only 13, yet knows WAY more than I do about math, science, history, etc. and is much more wise than I am. Me? I for some reason can't soak up info. It can stay in my head for a while, but it slowly goes away no matter how much I try to remember or study. All the info that DOES stick is useless shit from movies, video games, etc. So basically, I'm a walking treasure-trove of completely useless knowledge that will not aid me in the future at all.

 

And then comes skills. I know people who are great artists and have various skills that are incredibly unique and creative. I have nothing like that. No, I don't have some "unrealized skill/potential," that I haven't found, I have no skill. I cannot paint/draw, I cannot write, dance, sing, anything. All I can do is sit around and play through a video game on a somewhat high difficulty. With all the reflection I've done, I've realized I have no useful skills or knowledge, and lack the capability to build them. I'm literally dumb, and useless. Or maybe I'm wrong. I don't know anymore.

 

Sorry for all that shit, I've just been rather depressed for a while now because of this.

[Pixel Bombs]

Well, judging by this well typed and detailed thread you are not dumb. I have actually had the same problem as you. Not doing well in school, not having any hobbies beside video games and the feeling of not accomplishing  a lot. It all comes down to drive. Very few people are born with skills and most people who wernt born with them but worked hard to achieve them are the ones that do better.

 

I was kinda of a useless piece of shit during my entire life up till my Junior year in highschool and actually had a 1.8 GPA. Does that make me stupid? No, I just lacked the drive. Once I acknowledged this I stepped up. Now I have a a great hobby (digital art), I'm going to college, and I know enough about computers to be able to make a bit of money on the side.

 

You just have to find something you like and learn learn learn. It takes work and patience to develop skills. People like your girlfriend are lucky but that doesn't mean people like you and me still cant get on top. We just have to work a little harder.

[k12314]

Well, judging by this well typed and detailed thread you are not dumb. I have actually had the same problem as you. Not doing well in school, not having any hobbies beside video games and the feeling of not accomplishing  a lot. It all comes down to drive. Very few people are born with skills and most people who wernt born with them but worked hard to achieve them are the ones that do better.

 

I was kinda of a useless piece of shit during my entire life up till my Junior year in highschool and actually had a 1.8 GPA. Does that make me stupid? No, I just lacked the drive. Once I acknowledged this I stepped up. Now I have a a great hobby (digital art), I'm going to college, and I know enough about computers to be able to make a bit of money on the side.

 

You just have to find something you like and learn learn learn. It takes work and patience to develop skills. People like your girlfriend are lucky but that doesn't mean people like you and me still cant get on top. We just have to work a little harder.

 

Well that's the thing. I have good grades because I cheat so my parents don't yell at me for being a fuckup and give me the whole "Oh you're a genius you're just not working hard enough" but I still work hard to at least try to remember and absorb the info. I feel awful for cheating, but it's the only way I can get through school. Some of the info sticks for a little bit, but it all disappears eventually, so I have to resort to cheating so my parents don't make me feel even worse. And as for building skills, I for some reason just can't. Like, no matter how hard I try I can't get better at things. I used to be pretty good at writing and creating scenes and such, so I did that for fun, but my skill slowly degraded and now I can't do it anymore. Like, all my ability to create scenes and characters are gone, so the scenes and characters are stale and bland. I don't know why, but I can't build skills or anything.

[Aricane]

Dude. You don't get to choose what kind of mind or memory you get. What you do get is to find a way to respect whatever you have. Even if you think it's shitty.

 

Playing video games may seem irrelevant in our kind of society, but your brain won't spend time with it, if it didn't find it useful. Trust that.

"No, I don't have some "unrealized skill/potential," that I haven't found, I have no skill". You simply don't know this, and you might as well stay open.

 

Don't compare your self anyone, not even your girlfriend. Her and everybody elses mind is different from yours.

[k12314]

Dude. You don't get to choose what kind of mind or memory you get. What you do get is to find a way to respect whatever you have. Even if you think it's shitty.

 

Playing video games may seem irrelevant in our kind of society, but your brain won't spend time with it, if it didn't find it useful. Trust that.

"No, I don't have some "unrealized skill/potential," that I haven't found, I have no skill". You simply don't know this, and you might as well stay open.

 

Don't compare your self anyone, not even your girlfriend. Her and everybody elses mind is different from yours.

 

See, any skill I have is useless. How are video games going to earn me a living in the future?

[Aricane]

My life has been devasted to a point where I litteraly heard cracks in the ground from a collapsing world. I pinned my whole identity and existense on this ONE chick that eventually after two months didn't want me anyway. I seen horrors in my mind that freaked me the hell out. No one will ever know what and why.

 

 

Dude. You don't get to choose what kind of mind or memory you get. What you do get is to find a way to respect whatever you have. Even if you think it's shitty.

 

Playing video games may seem irrelevant in our kind of society, but your brain won't spend time with it, if it didn't find it useful. Trust that.

"No, I don't have some "unrealized skill/potential," that I haven't found, I have no skill". You simply don't know this, and you might as well stay open.

 

Don't compare your self anyone, not even your girlfriend. Her and everybody elses mind is different from yours.

 

See, any skill I have is useless. How are video games going to earn me a living in the future?

 

You will know how to make them, direct them, play them. The world is bigger than just building, maths and writing.

 

Nothing I learned in school stuck. It still don't. Unless its something I find interesting. I know that when you're 17 school doesn't award this, but rest assure that you're special and if you honor who you are, the one you are will reward you with a good life - nomatter what skills you have or don't have.

[Pixel Bombs]

 

See, any skill I have is useless. How are video games going to earn me a living in the future?

 

Hand eye coordination, problem solving and teamwork are things video games improve. You may just need to do what Aricane said and stay open. Broaden your horizon get out of your comfort zone. And as for your degradation of your character and scene building, did you do it all the time and practice with it or every now and again? Of course your going to get worse if you don't practice it.

[k12314]

 

 

See, any skill I have is useless. How are video games going to earn me a living in the future?

 

Hand eye coordination, problem solving and teamwork are things video games improve. You may just need to do what Aricane said and stay open. Broaden your horizon get out of your comfort zone. And as for your degradation of your character and scene building, did you do it all the time and practice with it or every now and again? Of course your going to get worse if you don't practice it.

 

 

I did it for about 2-3 hours every day for a year. It got worse and worse as I went on.

[SiC]

Just keep one thing in mind my friend: having a unique skill doesn't make you better as a person. 

You are not defined by a single quality or a lack thereof. I can do none of the things that you talk of either. I can't dance and will probably never learn, I can't sing, I can't keep a rythm so I'm probably useless with a guitar too, I'm not a fantastic athlete, I can't draw anything beyond a stick figure. Maybe I can write a little, but because that is not where my heart lies primarily, the forming of my sentences could use improvement. I tend to rush through it after a while.

 

Now, as Pixel Bombs says too, there are some individuals who have a natural talent or a knack for stuff that makes them excel at it. But the vast majority of people who know how to do something really well have spent countless of hours practicing. I've heard it said that if you want to do one thing really well, you shoudl invest a thousand hours into that one thing, and maybe you can count yourself a master, or maybe you can't. But that is OK. Life does not boil down to being able to do any of those things. It is not what makes you a good human being.

 

An example: we recently got a new dog, a stray dog from Croatia who spent a year on the street and a year in an asylum. An organisation found him and brought him to Holland and put him in the care of a foster family who would temporarily take care of him untill a new permanent owner could be found (us).

We went to visit the foster family, and these were very ordinary people. They had ordinary jobs, and no unique skills that I could see or know of. They had no higher learning.

But they had 5 dogs of their own, and took care of 2 foster dogs. They had children of their own too, two of them, but they also had adopted two mentally challenged children into their home. They had a tremendous amount of love to give, to help not just themselves or their own, but others too.
Now, does their ability to love and provide for others not weigh up to having a unique dancing or singing skill? Is what they are doing in fact not more important than any of those things?

 

Or maybe watch this video about a man in India who took it upon himself to feed the poor and unfortunate:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPJAHxEssHA

 

He doesn't have a unique skill but he brings more to the world than any song writer, singer, dancer or artist. 

 

So don't be worried. Find something you are genuinely interested in, dare to invest in a dream maybe. One of my friends has a tremendous love for games, and though it isn't the safest choice of career he is now an indie game developer. It doesn't have to be easy or extraordinary or anything, just as long as it is something that YOU love doing. There are more people than I can count who aren't doing something they love. It is okay to build a castle in the sky, as long as you start to put the foundation under it now.

I don't really want to focus on me too much, but for myself, my goal is to travel across the world. I will most likely do it solo, hitchhiking and camping everywhere. It is not the most sustainable or safest way to live your life, but it is something that I personally have to do before I can do anything else. And though that practically makes me a bum of some kind, there are people out there who find it inspirational. I've even had a veteran soldier who served in Iraq call ME a hero. In this way, even though I am doing something for myself, I'm actually doing something for others too, just by chasing after a dream.

[Pixel Bombs]

I did it for about 2-3 hours every day for a year. It got worse and worse as I went on.

Were you using known techniques or doing your own thing? I used to do my own thing with drawing, shit looked horrible, then I studied anatomy, color theory, light sources and how they interact with the environments and THEN I started improving.

[Aricane]

You sound like you're just down in the dumps. Chin up, it's not all doom and gloom.

At least that's what I tell myself.

If you would sing "always look on the bright side of life" I would definitely tune in to your twitch channel.

[k12314]

 

I did it for about 2-3 hours every day for a year. It got worse and worse as I went on.

Were you using known techniques or doing your own thing? I used to do my own thing with drawing, shit looked horrible, then I studied anatomy, color theory, light sources and how they interact with the environments and THEN I started improving.

 

 

I was using my own techniques, but developing said techniques off of the basic rules of English and scenewriting I learned in English class. The skill just deteriorated over time for no reason. Not the first time I've had that problem. 

[Realmkeeper]

 

 

I did it for about 2-3 hours every day for a year. It got worse and worse as I went on.

Were you using known techniques or doing your own thing? I used to do my own thing with drawing, shit looked horrible, then I studied anatomy, color theory, light sources and how they interact with the environments and THEN I started improving.

 

 

I was using my own techniques, but developing said techniques off of the basic rules of English and scenewriting I learned in English class. The skill just deteriorated over time for no reason. Not the first time I've had that problem. 

 

Maybe it just wasn't quite the thing for you.

Back in my younger years I got into several things, one by one, and each time I thought "this is it, THIS is what I want to do with my life". Then one day, I would just look at what I was doing and think, "This is shit". Time to find another calling.

 

I think perhaps it's a common place for a teen to be in, looking for something to personally excel in, and find their place in the world. I tried drawing, writing, 3D modelling, but in my mind things never quite looked right (I'm a bit of a perfectionist) and so pictures would end up symmetrical, stories would end up with too much backstory explaining the reasons behind something a character did...

 

Anyway, I've ended up programming. It satisfies my perfectionist side, because things either work or they don't. And once they work, they can almost always be made to work better - faster, on a larger scale, or as a part of something else.

Now programming for clients can be a bit of a bore sometimes, once you get it working, you're done with it. But personal projects go on and on, and I still love doing it! Creating all the logic in a game, optimising the graphics so that someone with a skill in modelling can come along and 'make' it complete, seeing Ai entities act and react towards each other, and knowing I have full control over their every deed.

 

You'll eventually find what it is that you enjoy doing, and find a career that fits around that.

Else you'll probably end up working in a supermarket for the rest of your life (Not that there's anything wrong with that!).

[k12314]

 

 

 

I did it for about 2-3 hours every day for a year. It got worse and worse as I went on.

Were you using known techniques or doing your own thing? I used to do my own thing with drawing, shit looked horrible, then I studied anatomy, color theory, light sources and how they interact with the environments and THEN I started improving.

 

 

I was using my own techniques, but developing said techniques off of the basic rules of English and scenewriting I learned in English class. The skill just deteriorated over time for no reason. Not the first time I've had that problem. 

 

-snip-

 

 

Well, the thing is, I think working in a shitty dead-end job DOES have something wrong with it. I want to make something of myself, and do something I enjoy, but every time I find something I really enjoy, I lose the ability to do it. Like, I still LOVE doing it, but my skill slowly died off.

[Realmkeeper]

Well, the thing is, I think working in a shitty dead-end job DOES have something wrong with it. I want to make something of myself, and do something I enjoy, but every time I find something I really enjoy, I lose the ability to do it. Like, I still LOVE doing it, but my skill slowly died off.

 

Well, do you do anything useful with your ability?

 

I find that without constantly trying to test the limits of your ability, your skill drops off.

I think of it a bit like muscle mass due to something like swimming - You may be a good swimmer with reasonable muscles, but if you only ever 'think' about how much of a great swimmer you know you already are, without actually doing any swimming, your muscle mass will drop off. Whereas if you see how hard/far/long you can swim on a regular basis you are bound to build up more muscle mass and thus be able to stretch those limits further!

[TheCenturion]

Hi thar. I'm in a similar position to you, similar age and all that (except you have a girl, dangit ). I love gaming, to the point I probably love it a bit too much, really want to get into development. Fact is, nothing is going to improve without practice. The drive. I know that's been said above, but that's the key.

 

Some people start great at stuff. They have a flair. The fact you're using correct grammar means you're waaaay smarter than the average 16/17 year old, trust me. But most people just need to push themselves to get where they want. You're not going to be great at anything just by trying it. Passion helps too, for something you enjoy.

 

I moved recently, I used that as a refresher to my life and started working harder with graphic design. I mean, I'm not great at it, but I love it, and I work on it pretty much everyday. I'm a perfectionist, so I find it's always important to get other's opinion on things, since your own can become warped if you continually work on the same thing. But I've managed to make progress.

 

Something someone told me once, life isn't easy, but it isn't impossible. Resigning yourself to believing that you can't do anything is only going to make it worse, so chin up and work towards whatever goal you want.

 

EDIT: Oh yeah, I wasn't sure if I should point it out, but the cheating to get grades thing is a bad idea. Getting bad grades will hurt, yes, but by being honest with yourself and everyone around you, you can work to improve. If you live in a false mannar, you can never go forward, since you're stuck in a false world. Believe me, I learned this the hard way. :S

[Realmkeeper]

Some people start great at stuff. They have a flair. The fact you're using correct grammar means you're waaaay smarter than the average 16/17 year old, trust me.

That alone made me cry a little on the inside.

 

When I was younger, a 16/17 year old that didn't know, or couldn't use correct grammar was considered retarded (by their peers, obviously the educators had to be a little more politically correct in their phrasing).

 

What the hell is the world coming to?

[MashPotato]

The fact that you can retain information, even if it's not the "right" sort, means you do have the ability to learn, and it could be that you're not studying the right way for your learning style. For example, some people are visual learners: information goes in one ear and out the other, but if they see a diagram of the same info, they are able to process it and remember it.

 

My suggestion: first, cut out the cheating. It will only be a crutch and if you really want to learn things you can't rely on that. Try to pull that sort of thing in university or higher education and you can be expelled.

 

Second, change up your study habits. If you tend to study by reading a your textbook, make study sheets instead. A flow chart. Write things on flash cards and move them around. Speak aloud the information in your own words. Write a scene where characters speak information in dialogue. These different ways of processing the information will engage different parts of your brain, and you'll discover what works for you.

 

Third, you haven't mentioned it, but if you're not doing it, do the homework. I know it sometimes seems pointless, but the more you process information over time, the less you have to study for tests.

 

We all have different ways of learning, we just have to find a way to harness the way our brain is wired

[TheCenturion]

 

Some people start great at stuff. They have a flair. The fact you're using correct grammar means you're waaaay smarter than the average 16/17 year old, trust me.

That alone made me cry a little on the inside.

 

When I was younger, a 16/17 year old that didn't know, or couldn't use correct grammar was considered retarded (by their peers, obviously the educators had to be a little more politically correct in their phrasing).

 

What the hell is the world coming to?

 

 

You're telling me. The problem is 'texting language', which is fine, until you take it out of texting and start doing it with a keyboard. I mean, seriously. How lazy can you be?

 

This generation of mind needs a good kick up the rear end.

[k12314]

 

 

Some people start great at stuff. They have a flair. The fact you're using correct grammar means you're waaaay smarter than the average 16/17 year old, trust me.

That alone made me cry a little on the inside.

 

When I was younger, a 16/17 year old that didn't know, or couldn't use correct grammar was considered retarded (by their peers, obviously the educators had to be a little more politically correct in their phrasing).

 

What the hell is the world coming to?

 

 

You're telling me. The problem is 'texting language', which is fine, until you take it out of texting and start doing it with a keyboard. I mean, seriously. How lazy can you be?

 

This generation of mind needs a good kick up the rear end.

 

 

It makes me ashamed to be part of this retarded generation.

 

Anyways, I've gotten over myself. And as for the cheating, it's mainly just classes I seriously don't get. I didn't need to cheat practically at all last year, but in Geometry. Sadly, I needed that crutch. But yeah, I feel better. I just have these bits where I fall into a horrible pit of self-loathing and start to do generic depression shit, like wishing I was dead, contemplating suicide, and it just gets worse and worse until I tell myself to stop being such a bitch and man the fuck up. I realize I am talentless, but at least I can use a Goddamn computer. I actually plan on going to college for a degree in Computer Science, specializing in Programming. Who knows, maybe I could try to net a job at TIS.

[TheCenturion]

 

It makes me ashamed to be part of this retarded generation.

 

Anyways, I've gotten over myself. And as for the cheating, it's mainly just classes I seriously don't get. I didn't need to cheat practically at all last year, but in Geometry. Sadly, I needed that crutch. But yeah, I feel better. I just have these bits where I fall into a horrible pit of self-loathing and start to do generic depression shit, like wishing I was dead, contemplating suicide, and it just gets worse and worse until I tell myself to stop being such a bitch and man the fuck up. I realize I am talentless, but at least I can use a Goddamn computer. I actually plan on going to college for a degree in Computer Science, specializing in Programming. Who knows, maybe I could try to net a job at TIS.

 

 

No no! I didn't mean it like that! I made a mistake then, I shouldn't generalise everybody like that. If you're planning on uni, that's a good thing, I myself can't afford it so... yeah...

[k12314]

 

 

It makes me ashamed to be part of this retarded generation.

 

Anyways, I've gotten over myself. And as for the cheating, it's mainly just classes I seriously don't get. I didn't need to cheat practically at all last year, but in Geometry. Sadly, I needed that crutch. But yeah, I feel better. I just have these bits where I fall into a horrible pit of self-loathing and start to do generic depression shit, like wishing I was dead, contemplating suicide, and it just gets worse and worse until I tell myself to stop being such a bitch and man the fuck up. I realize I am talentless, but at least I can use a Goddamn computer. I actually plan on going to college for a degree in Computer Science, specializing in Programming. Who knows, maybe I could try to net a job at TIS.

 

 

No no! I didn't mean it like that! I made a mistake then, I shouldn't generalise everybody like that. If you're planning on uni, that's a good thing, I myself can't afford it so... yeah...

 

 

Oh, I won't be able to afford it either. That's why I'm going to do what everyone else in America does: Take out a fuckton of money in student loans and put myself in debt I'll be paying off until I'm 40-50.

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

[Realmkeeper]

I didn't need to cheat practically at all last year, but in Geometry.

[...]

I actually plan on going to college for a degree in Computer Science, specializing in Programming. Who knows, maybe I could try to net a job at TIS.

 

Sadly, right now I'll let you in on the little secret that half-decent Math is a bit of a requirement for most programming (and Computer Science).

Algebra, Logic, and Geometry are all pretty vital skills in various parts of programming - depending what you want to specialise in of course.

 

For example, you'll need to understand matrix algebra, at least in a very broad sense, to get anything much done in computer Graphics. Again, for computer graphics you'll need to know your basic geometry - angles within the segments of a sphere etc.

NPC AI, you'll want a decent knowledge of logic systems, as well as geometry for detection radii and cones.

Basic Physics ends up a combination of vector mathematics and collision geoemetry.

 

Pretty much every facet of low-level computer programming (within the scope of gaming) requires one or more specialisation in some form of maths.

[Augur]

Play the guitar. A lot of great guitarists were never good in school. They didn't like the structure of it. Like Lead Belly here that dropped out of school at 12: http://www.badassoftheweek.com/index.cgi?id=1671462811

 

I might sound old-fashioned but complacency breeds negative thoughts. A hobby like this can very well lead into a job if not just giving you something other to do than play video games and brood. You're in a fine position for a 17 year old. Want to try a tough life? Try living how my dad started out. His mother packed up and left with him and his sister away from his dad in Oklahoma when he was 5. They had nothing. Now he's a business owner. Or my mother, who had her psychotic. abusive father burn down their house. They packed up and left with nothing too. They used to make nothing at all, rode hot checks, eked it out. We still aren't millionaires but we aren't crying about it.

[k12314]

 

I didn't need to cheat practically at all last year, but in Geometry.

[...]

I actually plan on going to college for a degree in Computer Science, specializing in Programming. Who knows, maybe I could try to net a job at TIS.

 

Sadly, right now I'll let you in on the little secret that half-decent Math is a bit of a requirement for most programming (and Computer Science).

Algebra, Logic, and Geometry are all pretty vital skills in various parts of programming - depending what you want to specialise in of course.

 

For example, you'll need to understand matrix algebra, at least in a very broad sense, to get anything much done in computer Graphics. Again, for computer graphics you'll need to know your basic geometry - angles within the segments of a sphere etc.

NPC AI, you'll want a decent knowledge of logic systems, as well as geometry for detection radii and cones.

Basic Physics ends up a combination of vector mathematics and collision geoemetry.

 

Pretty much every facet of low-level computer programming (within the scope of gaming) requires one or more specialisation in some form of maths.

 

 

... Well there goes my dreams of working with computers. No idea what I'm going to do now.