Rather than target the nearest zombie, PZ mechanics dictate you hit the closest survivor to you even under the most bizarre circumstances. Would love to see a mod that fixes the aim system in this game, although I'll assume it's hard and time consuming.
So my other aiming suggestion thread died. Yeah...
Figuring that I might not have been creative enough to find something viable, I propose another idea - but before I get into it I'd like to say primarily why I believe aiming NEEDS an overhaul. The aiming is rather, arcadey at best and while there is only so much realism you can get in an isometric game, it is really hard to believe some of the situations where you will get friendly fire in multiplayer. Some may ask, why don't you just turn PvP off? Well my response to that is that I'm a part of the role-play community and while I know most just play survival or PvE modes, friendly fire has its place but should not be outright ridiculous in some situations and I believe this would mend the issue to an extent - hence my idea, look no further.
Yay! Another one of MrBlue's awful concept drawings. A highlighted area of the shooting, that gets wider or smaller depending on your aiming skill. Those who do not know how to shoot may not be the best, but they should know full well of their limits. This would help make firing more exact and predictable. Thoughts?
Here is how I would rewrite this. It features my corrections above.
The ship rocked ever so slightly, a calm sea for the final leg of the journey. He leaned back on the chair in his small cabin and let out a short sigh. The journey had been long and, quite frankly, very dull. A knock at the door jerked him out of his relaxed state. He sharply looked toward the door.
“What?” he hissed.
“Uh, hey Mask,” the door slowly started to creak open . “Can I come in?”
Mask let out a heavy sigh.
“Is it important?” he growled in his husky voice.
“Well, 2 things, really.” The man said, easing himself into the room.
“First off, have you heard what's happened on the east coast of Gorlendale?” the man asked with excitement.
“No, and I do not care. The Gorlenmen could not interest me less.”
The man paused for a moment, as if to gather himself from the unexpected and aggressive response. He had learned to not expect much else from Mask.
“Uhhhh…” he cleared his throat. “Well, second thing then. I was wondering if I could know your name. Like, your real name. 'Mask' is more than suitable nickname, don’t get me wrong, but I feel if we are going to be working together at this factory, knowing your real name could be nice.”
Mask let out a groan. “No, Jericho, 'Mask' is fine.”
He stood from his chair and walked to the door. “Now if you don’t mind, it is late and I wish to continue to be alone.”
He rested his hand on Jericho’s shoulder and directed him toward the door.
“Bye” he grunted.
“Right, see you around, Mask.”
Jericho left the room. Mask pushed the door shut behind him and approached the porthole. The sun was starting to set. Tomorrow morning he would be off this boat and free to work alone with the robots and other machines. Perfect. He sat on his bed and began to adjust his mask.
The mask itself was a custom design he had created himself. It was a steel, expressionless face. The eyes were made of darkened glass, with optics within to aid with fiddly jobs. The tear ducts also housed small lights to help with dark work. The mouth was the only open part of the mask, showing his lips, however a filter could be attached if dangerous gases entered the air around him. The inner padding was designed to be so incredibly comfortable so the mask would never need to be taken off. With a few adjustments to the mask to enable maximum comfort, he lay his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes.
By all means, good on you for reaching out here. It is important to get as much feedback as possible for your writing as some people may not see the same mistakes as others. My papers used to have to go through 3 friends and both GA's before I ever submitted them.
Definitely wall of text syndrome, thankfully once you know what to fix you can get over it pretty quickly.
As a prospective English teacher and tutor, Fuji nearly nailed it.
Every change in dialogue and difference in focus needs a new paragraph, and duplicate punctuation should never be used.
A few more things:
Try to keep the number of ellipses (...) down to a consistent three. Using more or less in a sentence is unprofessional, even in informal writing.
When using dialogue tags that take place after the dialogue, the first letter is not capitalized unless the dialogue tag begins with a proper noun.
Dialogue tags should not occur more than once for the same piece of dialogue.
You may also want to review the purpose and usage of commas in order to prevent the accidental redundant comma.
Overall a very fruitful piece of writing. Just try your best to keep in mind paragraph, dialogue and comma rules.
I look forward to your future work.