The_One_And_Only Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Adrian Sextant (Patient Zero), he was a 17 year old soccer player, had Hiv, he usually was on the internet looking at pornography or playing State of decay, resident evil 8, the sims 5 and the elder scrolls seven: Elsweyer. One day there was a meteorite that struck the earth, he was camping at this time, this meteorite has an isotope called Exilon X, it causes some viruses to mutate, he approached it, he suddenly collapsed and begun convulsing, he was rushed to Muldraugh medical center, he was pronounced dead at 8:19 Pm, March 3rd, 2031. they were rolling the blanket over his head, suddenly, the life support gave a slight reading on the brainwaves, they began giving chest compression's, he suddenly sat up, something was wrong, his eyes were foggy, and he was not breathing, he then lunged at nurse Alexis Henderson, He then tore her jugular vein out with his teeth and began eating her, doctor Brian Johnson then pushed him off her and hit him over the head, killing him, he then began compressing her neck, she suddenly grabbed Brian's shoulders and sunk her teeth into his throat, killing hin, both of them then bit Adrian's family, and so on, the army had already began construction of a wall to quarantine anyone who may have been exposed to the meteorite, the wall was completed by the time the first zombies emerged from the hospital, the military locked all gates and shot everything that approached, your character has been in a coma for a week, you wake up on the floor of a building, unaware to the infection... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jawface Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebig44 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 +1 Because of the cause of the infection +2 because of the quaratine thingy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
demwilson Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 The only thing I didn't like was you use, 'One day' at the beginning. It just sounded cheezy.You could change it to, "On March 3rd 2031 a meteorite....." Other than that, I enjoyed it.Favorite thing was you gave even the minor characters full names. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LykinLore Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 A great way to show how this could have / Is how the infection spread, and its great to see everyway there can possible be. To tell you the truth, I wish you wrote more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngryScotsMan Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Your grammar could use a tune and I'm not sure if its intentional but you seemed to have used loads of commas where there should be full stops. Not sure but I think you stole this from the walking dead as Rick wakes up from a coma and you character also wakes up from a coma. You could have maybe gone into more detail like where the meteorite land and what the doctor used to kill the dude with( e.g. The meteorite rushed through the sky at incredible speed landing in a nearby forest). Another point is how did the military know about this infection spread quick enough to get down there and start construction of a wall and how did he get rushed to the hospital if he was on he own camping and surely if there were people with him, they would've been infected. I'm also not sure about this but I don't think life support systems can read brainwaves but they can read your heart rate. I hate having to point out the bad things in this piece of writing but as LykinLore said this a good way to show how the infection spread etc. I'm gonna shut up now as you probably hate me for all the criticisms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_One_And_Only Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 Your grammar could use a tune and I'm not sure if its intentional but you seemed to have used loads of commas where there should be full stops. Not sure but I think you stole this from the walking dead as Rick wakes up from a coma and you character also wakes up from a coma. You could have maybe gone into more detail like where the meteorite land and what the doctor used to kill the dude with( e.g. The meteorite rushed through the sky at incredible speed landing in a nearby forest). Another point is how did the military know about this infection spread quick enough to get down there and start construction of a wall and how did he get rushed to the hospital if he was on he own camping and surely if there were people with him, they would've been infected. I'm also not sure about this but I don't think life support systems can read brainwaves but they can read your heart rate. I hate having to point out the bad things in this piece of writing but as LykinLore said this a good way to show how the infection spread etc. I'm gonna shut up now as you probably hate me for all the criticisms Waking up to the zombie apocalypse wasn't the walking dead's idea for one, 28 days later did this long before it came out and it probably wasn't the first to do it either.The military has dealt with Exilon before, They wall off a perimeter, and study what comes out. They knew it mutates viruses, and the zombie virus just happened to be formed that time. And if the virus is mutating it will take a while to get done, in this time he was at the hospital, and he was never bitten so the virus has no weakness to slow him down. The zombie virus Is aids when it got changed by the radiation. No one else around had aids, the rest died of E-coli mutating inside of them becoming crippling, this is how all the slow zombies caught people, most were sick. There was just a fence set up the same day the zombie was born. They built the wall behind the fence.I am using a revised version of this on a comic/novel i am making, Called "Class4" I will display a link when i am far along enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DosBuster Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Hmm, could use some more descriptive language, at times it felt like the story was just jumping scenes with no crossover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Survivor Firebomb! Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Maby a story of a Military squad being sent in to find What caused all this. And why did it spread so fastly and how does the virus work. Mission : unknown. XD At the hospital.oh true story my character got bit and was infected 2 months later couldent move my character. he looks down ( you lasted 3 months and bla bla bla ) ..... I understand some people are more resistent then others but thats a troll...... D: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaBrony Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Your grammar could use a tune and I'm not sure if its intentional but you seemed to have used loads of commas where there should be full stops. Not sure but I think you stole this from the walking dead as Rick wakes up from a coma and you character also wakes up from a coma. You could have maybe gone into more detail like where the meteorite land and what the doctor used to kill the dude with( e.g. The meteorite rushed through the sky at incredible speed landing in a nearby forest). Another point is how did the military know about this infection spread quick enough to get down there and start construction of a wall and how did he get rushed to the hospital if he was on he own camping and surely if there were people with him, they would've been infected. I'm also not sure about this but I don't think life support systems can read brainwaves but they can read your heart rate. I hate having to point out the bad things in this piece of writing but as LykinLore said this a good way to show how the infection spread etc. I'm gonna shut up now as you probably hate me for all the criticisms I kinda found it funny. Because, you barely used any commas. Anyways, it's true though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngryScotsMan Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Your grammar could use a tune and I'm not sure if its intentional but you seemed to have used loads of commas where there should be full stops. Not sure but I think you stole this from the walking dead as Rick wakes up from a coma and you character also wakes up from a coma. You could have maybe gone into more detail like where the meteorite land and what the doctor used to kill the dude with( e.g. The meteorite rushed through the sky at incredible speed landing in a nearby forest). Another point is how did the military know about this infection spread quick enough to get down there and start construction of a wall and how did he get rushed to the hospital if he was on he own camping and surely if there were people with him, they would've been infected. I'm also not sure about this but I don't think life support systems can read brainwaves but they can read your heart rate. I hate having to point out the bad things in this piece of writing but as LykinLore said this a good way to show how the infection spread etc. I'm gonna shut up now as you probably hate me for all the criticisms I kinda found it funny. Because, you barely used any commas. Anyways, it's true though. Oh the Irony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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