Kirrus Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 You build most powerful super computer ever constructed. You start out by running some genetic code experiments. Unfortunately, it becomes sentient, and goes mad. Every nuclear weapon on earth detonates simultaneously. Only the cockroaches survive. I wish for sleep. blindcoder and JamesGoblin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syfy Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 you become the new version of Rip Van Winkle, as you sleep, and sleep, and sleep, and sleep. when you awake, you find we are testing PZ 666:Hells Zombies Return, Yet Again. (and you are still listed as a Forum Admin) i wish i had a more interesting avatarEDIT: found a better one... JamesGoblin 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluffe9911 Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Wish Granted but due to how mlg 420 it is everybody that sees it there heads explode I wish for a spiffo doll JamesGoblin 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesGoblin Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 You'll get one from the latest "Send my best to St. Peter" series, made of C-4. I wish for world peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitt Frostpaws Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Everybody dies of a horrible, painful, highly-contagious and life-ending hybrid strain of Ebola, HIV and the sniffles. The last sound man ever makes is 'achoo'. I wish for more Vipers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Gold_ Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Granted. But what, what's this? OH MY GOD IT'S THE VIPER, RANDY ORTON! *RKOs Kitt* I wish for more Bernie Sanders in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ethanwdp Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Granted. Every person you know is replaced by Bernie Sanders. You wake up and your significant other is now a wrinkly, old man who won't stop talking to you about trickle-down economics.You enter a Starbucks, the smell of $1000 perfume ripe in the air, with a loud atmosphere of normal people talking. You sigh in relief, only to turn around and see that your barista is now Bernie Sanders. He gives you a "#feelTheBern" mug with extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-steeped tea and hands you a "Vote for Bernie 2016" pamphlet.The Bernening has started. You look over your shoulder and you see a group of Bernies viciously tackling and turning survivors. The sound of police sirens fills the air and floods the store with pulsating red and blue.Not sure whether to be relieved or afraid, you avidly watch the police cruiser. After a tense ten seconds, a Bernie Sanders opens the door and steps out.The customers of the restaurant you are in turn to look at you with hunger in their eyes - they have all felt the Bern. You yell in disbelief and fright before bolting off in the other direction, only to find that the doors have been sealed shut with "#SandersForPresident2016" stickers.Suddenly, the horde starts dissipating in two opposite directions as a holy light permeates through the room. It's Bernie Sanders. He bellows in a deep, deep voice; "Embrace the light."Your vision fades to black. You have felt the Bern. (Sorry, got a bit carried off there) I wish that Windows 10 isn't a trap. _Gold_ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footmuffin Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Granted, Windows now only allows CisGendereds to use it. Everyone that wasn't immediately locked out ditches the operating system, as it is quickly outmoded by superior operating systems. It is forgotten. The Superior Operating System is awesomer and is written by a rad trans girl, but after a long life, she dies before immortality is a feasible choice for her. Granted, every computer that solely runs windows is now a tarp. Millions are lost. I wish I had three tiny sapient beetle fairies in lolita costumes for friends, who encouraged and consulted me for important life events. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foulmouth Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Granted, but when the drugs wear off you realize you've been talking to three cockroaches. I wish it wasn't so bloody hot ! (Australian summer can be nasty) ac30fspad35 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ac30fspad35 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Granted. your blood turns to ice. i wish for a bagel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Gold_ Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Granted. Every person you know is replaced by Bernie Sanders. You wake up and your significant other is now a wrinkly, old man who won't stop talking to you about trickle-down economics.You enter a Starbucks, the smell of $1000 perfume ripe in the air, with a loud atmosphere of normal people talking. You sigh in relief, only to turn around and see that your barista is now Bernie Sanders. He gives you a "#feelTheBern" mug with extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-steeped tea and hands you a "Vote for Bernie 2016" pamphlet.The Bernening has started. You look over your shoulder and you see a group of Bernies viciously tackling and turning survivors. The sound of police sirens fills the air and floods the store with pulsating red and blue.Not sure whether to be relieved or afraid, you avidly watch the police cruiser. After a tense ten seconds, a Bernie Sanders opens the door and steps out.The customers of the restaurant you are in turn to look at you with hunger in their eyes - they have all felt the Bern. You yell in disbelief and fright before bolting off in the other direction, only to find that the doors have been sealed shut with "#SandersForPresident2016" stickers.Suddenly, the horde starts dissipating in two opposite directions as a holy light permeates through the room. It's Bernie Sanders. He bellows in a deep, deep voice; "Embrace the light."Your vision fades to black. You have felt the Bern. (Sorry, got a bit carried off there) I wish that Windows 10 isn't a trap. That was amazingly written. Granted. You get a bagel. Unfortunately someone messes up your order and instead you get a deformed, mutilated and very aggressive beagle. I wish for the dlc on every game I own Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ac30fspad35 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 granted. your computer explodes. i wish for a fish but not a fish on a dish but a fish that really likes fine finnish wine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zombadger Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Granted. But fish Cirrhosis is no joke and before long your little pisces pal is on life support, holding your hand as you tearfully recount the good times.Remember going to the carnival? 2 dollar margaritas all night!Remember Mardi Gras? You both got so wasted.Remember when you wished for a fish?Remember wishing he would like wine?Well he did, didn't he. He loved that finnish wine, no matter how strong that finnish wine was or how much he drank every night.You made him love it with your wish. Alcoholics Anonymous couldn't help him. Therapy couldn't help him. You couldn't help him.The fin in your hand goes slack as the heart monitor flatlines.Some nights the phone rings and when you pick it up you can hear the fishes widow breathing on the other end. She never says anything... just sobs a little before hanging up. I wish I had a cleansing wipe to clear some of the schmutz off my monocle. Foulmouth 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ac30fspad35 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Granted. But as you wipe the shmotz off of your monocole it screams in terror saying "PLEASE NO. GOD NO PLEASE NOT IN MY EYES AAAAH" But you continue to do it...you know why? Cause you love to wipe it down Hardee and harder until it begs for it.It has also seen everything you have seen and starts talking about it out loud. EVERYTHING.I wish for my fish back.:C Zombadger 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ethanwdp Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Wish granted. You only get a single fish back, and he has a new blond hairdue. He talks non-stop about how he wants to deport all anchovies, and to build a great, great wall around the Pacific Ocean to keep out sardines.He eventually becomes President of the United Seas and starts an anchovy massacre. Futurama partially predicted the future! I wish I had 4 arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ac30fspad35 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Wish granted. You only get a single fish back, and he has a new blond hairdue. He talks non-stop about how he wants to deport all anchovies, and to build a great, great wall around the Pacific Ocean to keep out sardines.He eventually becomes President of the United Seas and starts an anchovy massacre. Futurama partially predicted the future! I wish I had 4 arms. I GET A DONALD TRUMP FISH...SWEET. (is danald twump supporter :3) granted. but they are dinosaur t-rex arms i wish for a speck of dust Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foulmouth Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Granted , but the eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it speck of dust.(That quote seems strangely appropriate for PZ) I wish I'd remembered to buy sugar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ac30fspad35 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 granted. that is all that you remember is to buy sugar. you eat sugar you wash yourself in sugar you drink sugar you date sugar you have sex with sugar you have sugarlettes and live in a sugar condo. you are...sugar. i wish to become the definition of corrupt. Foulmouth 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foulmouth Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Granted , you get a job in politics. I wish I could think of a wish. _Gold_ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zombadger Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I wish I could think of a wish. Granted, but some jerknut comes along and corrupts it. I wish we all could get to see Small Soldiers 2 made before Denis Leary is taken from us. Foulmouth 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValueOfGravity Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Granted. The end is so saddening it drifts you into a depressive state. The only reason you go outside is to get food or more handkerchiefs for your tears. I wish I could find a solution to the great dilemma; Blanket on, too hot. Blanket off, too cold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Gold_ Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Granted, you use half a blanket so you are both at the same time. I wish for the deadpool movie on dvd right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footmuffin Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Granted, you have a lovely bootleg of the two transmisogynistic jokes hidden somewhere in the middle of another bootleg of Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. I wish for the ultimate, eternal meme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foulmouth Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Granted , but the discovery of that meme causes this I wish my neighbours would scream a little more quietly when they argue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Gold_ Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) Granted, they argue quiter but talk ten times louder the rest of the time. I wish for less arrogant newbies (not singling out anyone in particular tho) Edited March 2, 2016 by _Gold_ Foulmouth 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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