Fuklebark Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Michael Richardson, the biggest badass on the motherfucking planet. I eat thunder and shit lightning. I drink Molson and pee Grey Goose.Well, I win by default since as far as I can tell, I'm the only man left alive. Score one for the good guys, I found a bag of joints today. Only good thing in that house, really. It wasn't in the kid's room though, it was in Mom's. Right next to the vibrator. a giant pink knobbly thing the size of a VW Bus. So now I'm thirteen joints and four D batteries richer. Gonna smoke the hell out of one of those tomorrow, because it's wednesday. And I ran out of action figures to glue together. America, land of the free. -------- Can I have your tuna for the rest of my life, say yes, say yes,cause I need to know.You say I'll never have some mackerel till the day I die,tough luck my friend cause your pantry's now BROKE!I'm just gonna stockpile foooooood!Cuz I'm the last fuckin' man duuuuuuuude. Muppethead girl,Yeah, Muppet your way to me,Kiss me back tooTell me I'm not creepy Why you gotta be a pruuuuuuuuOOOOooooOOOOOOOuuuuuuudddde -------------- Marajuana. Never again. --------------- That ipod finally died yesterday and I'm missing it already. It held out for seven days though, like Hanukkah. Maybe I'll make a new holiday, light some candles over it's corpse. Laura was jewish, I never could get used to that little beanie I had to wear in church. Towards the end I thought about painting it rainbow and putting a little propeller on it just to piss her off. God, I hate that woman but In can't help thinking about her all the time. I wonder how Laura would handle this. Laura made this Cake way better. What would Laura say if she saw me doing the shit I do now?Well, I can tell you what she'd say now. You gotta imagine the nasally voice to do it right, She sounded like like Fran Drescher mainlining helium. "I can't believe you! What are you doing that for? You could be helping out by doing all the things I told you about last week and not running around doing THIS stupid shit!" But the woman reined me in, I'll give her that much. Talk me how to figure shit out again after I got back. Civvie life was hard, harder than I would ever have figured it would be, what with what pussies most of them are. They'd have a nervous breakdown if they ever heard a gunshot, but judge you? Yeah, they can do that. Judge the way you dress, the way you talk, too much eye contact, too little. But mostly because you were different. There was something about you that scared the piss out of them, and they threw you out so they didn't have to look at it.In the beginning, she wasn't like that. She actually understood me. Or at least pretended to. Made me stop trying to slowly kill myself. No. No more of this. -------------- One of the pricks made it into my fort today. Young girl, probably about 20-something and real pretty before she bought it. She literally chewed her way through one of the boards I'd used to barricade the lower floor windows and just... wriggled through. I heard a meaty thump when I was reading, and cursed myself out for not having a weapon nearby. Sloppy. VERY sloppy. Her face was a mess, teeth all broken and face all full of splinters. No blood though, guess she'd been dead so long it'd just hardened into putty. I grabber her by the belt and shirt and just threw her back outside off the roof.She was still trying to gum me to death with her broken jaws, and I just didn't want to do it. Don't ask me why. I hope I'm not losing the stomach for this, that's pretty surefire way to go out. -------------- I can't sit around here anymore. It's slowly killing me. I realized I hadn't changed my clothes in days, or really done anything but sit and read trashy action books. The thing with the girl keeps haunting me. I just couldn't do it.So I'm going to pick a letter out of the scrabble bag and pick up a hobby that begins with that letter. Then I'm going out. --------- Started jogging around the roof to get these these old bones back in shape, singing cadences at the top of my lungs like a crazy person. Seems like the pricks really love "Napalm Sticks to Kids", they were all at the walls waving their arms and howling at me, I felt like Mick Jagger. Seems like their memories are pretty bad though, they forgot about me a couple of hours after I quieted down. Good to know. I go out on a raid tomorrow. I'm going to need a lot of dish towels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jatta Pake Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Bravo. Can't wait for part three! I'm starting to like this guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnapTheFurryFox Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Wow this guy is funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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